Bon j'l ai posté sur le forum de FFAF mais ca mérite d'être posté ici aussi haha.. Wos ancienne modératrice du forum officiel de FFAF a poté une sorte de parodie pas mal du tout de Tales...Perso je trouve ca excellent...
The Saga Of Reg (Inspired by TDTT)
This is the story of Reg, a lifetime trucker, who finds himself stranded at a service station on the motorway, after a few too many pies at the café means that he can no longer fit into his lorry cab. Reg must find all the courage in his heart to face his fear of salads, exercise, and the healthy lifestyle in general to lose the pounds, in order to return home to his depot and his beloved Cindy Crawford 1996 calender (swimsuit edition) - as well as make his delivery before the frozen food goes off.
This album is of course about a subject very dear to my heart, a deep-rooted fear and something which I've struggled with over the years; dramatic weight gain, and how to lose the pounds. As such this as quite a difficult album for me, and initially I did struggle creatively to grasp this record, but I think the breakthrough moment came when I came up with the chorus to the first track on the record, and from there it all fell into place.
Oh, and the title of the record? 'That Broccolli Won't Eat Itself, Young Man'.
- HamsterBoy a écrit:
Tracklisting
1) Minivan (Mr. Whippy)
2) The Great Wide Waistband
3) The Dairy
4) On A Fryer
All Hams On Deck
5) Part 1: Raise The Plates
6) Part 2: Open Water Bottle
7) Out Of Heave
Five Fruit Per Day
9) Walk Away (From The Desserts Counter)
10) The Sweetest Craving
EDIT: Since this was written, track 6 has now been renamed 'Open Cab Door'.
1) Minivan (Mr Whippy)
The days I lost a stone...
And the seasoning comes back again
So now I can drive my cab
Another hundred miles
Home, I'm home, it never changes
Same old Cindy Crawford faces
I stared into a minivan
And bought my own
Ice-cream, bought a Mivi one
I bought a Mivi one
Find in me a bloke
That only weighs ten stone
Find in tomatoes
Pleasure in fruit alone
I stared into a minivan
And bought my own
Ice-cream, bought a Mivi one
And bought my own
I stared into a minivan
And found a great selection there (selection there)
Toes, now I can see my toes
Will they be the same as when I saw them last
Now I have learned how to fast
2) The Great Wide Waistband
Going behind hedges
Like a bird upon a car
When it could behind a tree
That behaviour's just not me
Sole trucker with your seat raised high
How long's today's drive?
Sole trucker with your seat raised high
Just ten days 'til you're home
For the road I drive on, my depot I go from
Deliveries on and on they go to fill my great wide waistband
No it never repeated on me
Like that binge I had last week
Throwing up in fridges
Gammon joint, I ate non-stop thirteen whole pounds
Sole baker with your tray held high
Whence do your cakes fly?
Sole baker with your tray held high
D'ya deliver to homes?
For the road I drive on, my depot I go from
Deliveries on and on they go to fill my great wide waistband
Rush to the shops brings the food to my lips
The rush to the shops sends the weight to my hips
Sole trucker with your seat raised high
How long's today's drive?
Sole trucker with your seat raised high
Just ten days 'til you're home
The rush to the shops brings the food to my lips
The rush to the shops sends the weight to my hips
Gammon, gammon, oh-oh-oh-oh,
Gammon, gammon, oh-oh-oh-oh,
Gammon, gammon, oh-oh-oh-oh,
On the seat
Love my great wide waistband
3) The Dairy
The belly came from nothing, but there was always something
The childhood chocolate buttons, or the blueberry muffins
I'll hold onto every bar that costs the dearest to my heart
'Cause I will have ate them
I will have ate them
Eating, always eating
And I always wanted more
Grating, such cheese grating
Scraped across a slice of toast
The smell of pie reaches out
And surrounds me with steaky images
Of every one that I have known or I have yet to eat
And I will have ate them
And I will have ate them
Eating, always eating
And I always wanted more
Grating, such cheese grating
Scraped across a slice of toast
When the day is done
There goes another loaf of bread
When the day is done
There goes another loaf...
Grating, such cheese grating
Scraped across a slice of toast
Scraped across a slice of toast
(When will Tescos open up?)
4) On A Fryer
Burgers on fire
By the chip fryer
Which are refried again
Staring at the sodas
Drunk by guys in skodas
Will I eat fast food again?
Or use these plastic spoons?
Find a way to bring me home
I don't want these 20 stone again, not again
Fitness videos make me groan
Out of breath and aching bones again, not again, not again, not again, not again
I'm on the wire
Weight Watchers order
A pasta meal again
Living on a diet
Over and over
I don't think I'll eat tofu again
Bland as that Shannon Hoon
Find a way to bring me home
I don't want these 20 stone again, not again, not again, not again, not again
As the loo gave way
I'm on the broken can
On the phone
To the pizza place
But Weight Watchers got there first
Barred my phone
So I moan
"You bunch of bastards!"
Find a way to bring me home
I don't want these 20 stone again, not again, not again, not again, not again
Fitness videos make me groan
Fuck my ruddy muscle tone - again, not again, not again, not again, not again
"You bunch of bastards! You bunch of bastards!"
5) All Hams On Deck Part 1: Raise The Plates
Service station signs
The lorry pulling over
Got some more fish pie
Pass the ketchup over
The gut it breaks the belt it takes
Lower the waistband for the steaks
Raise your plates
And we won't go sugarless
Greedy hands reach out
For one more large hot toddy
Sprinkled doughnut goodness
I feel it fill my body
The gut it breaks the belt it takes
Lower the waistband for the steaks
Raise your plates
And we won't go sugarless
Drowning in cream cakes
Don't tell me they're sugarless
Under string vest scars
Fat deposits on my heart
6) All Hams On Deck Part 2: Open Water Bottle
Steak, I want a steak
Cos I am still bloody hungry
Blinded by headlights
Sleeping cabs surround me
Deep frying, I can smell the food
Find my keys, the chips will make it good
Found my keys,
Keyring's a beaver
Lost in my back pocket
Don't want a fine
Don't want to stall
Frozen food for store stock
Deep frying, I can smell the food
Find my keys, the chips will make it good
Keys clatter on the floor as time and time again
Can't get it open
Am I way too fat to get in there?
(Stuck at the truckstop all alone)
Am I way too fat, way too fat to get in there?
Keys clatter on the floor as time and time again
Can't get it open
Can't get inside there
Steak, I want a steak
Cos I am still bloody hungry
7) Out Of Heave
Launch our Reg
His flab is closing in
Close our eyes
As his sweat is disgusting
Haul away, haul away and push him
Half alive, cos this bloke he ain't light
Haul away, haul away and push him
Half alive and his weight is crushing
Out of reach
We need a bloody crane
Here the ground
Is cracking as we heave
Husbands and sons
Cry out for relief
Haul away, haul away and push him
Half alive and his weight is crushing
Out of reach
We need a bloody crane
Out of heave
Grown men cry in pain (cry in pain)
The weight he lacks
Won't break our backs
Out of reach
We need a bloody crane
Out of heave
Grown men cry in pain (cry in pain)
Out of reach
Out of heave
Out of reach
Reg you need to lose weight
Five Fruit Per Day
There are pounds left to shed
And my legs just feel dead
Water bottles on the floor
Doing sit-ups, 'gainst the wall
Did you eat five a day
To get your RDA?
Vitamins, minerals,
You should eat everyday
With good digestion deep inside,
Could you believe me
That this rabbit food does you good
Or would you punch me?
Salad counter I pass by
And there's nothing there that's fried for me
Water bottles on the floor
Without beer my life's a bore
Did you eat five a day
To get your RDA?
Vitamins, minerals
You should eat everyday
With good digestion deep inside,
Could you believe me
That this rabbit food does you good
Or would you punch me?
Nothing fried
No more pies
PIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
There's no more pies.
9) Walk Away (From The Desserts Counter)
All the sal-ads I have to eat,
Lettuce leaves
And the dressing goes, I know I have to eat
As the days go on
And my body fat displayed
Disappears, vanishes
Beer gut fades away
And the weighing is the hardest thing to take
In a moment more the scales break
If you cannot touch your toes
If this cheese keeps you awake
If you can't fit in your clothes
Diet shake
And the shakes we hate to drink don't leave
Another piece of cake that I don't need
And the weighing is the hardest thing to take
In a moment more the scales break
If you cannot touch your toes
If this cheese keeps you awake
If you can't fit in your clothes
Diet shake
10) The Sweetest Craving
I never understood
The food that I crave
On Vorderman's Fitness Plan
A fiver I saved
Stuck with this video
The push-ups are hard
But I know I must get rid of
My excessive lard
So far away from my goal
To my cab I'll return
So while they smoke marlbrough lights
And dine on takeaway
I'll replace beer drinker hat
Cans with ocean spray
No crisps and no Yorkie bars
Just my five a day
No more 'Busty Ladies'
It's Carol all the way
So far away from my goal
To my cab I'll return
And my old lorry depot
Is where I go in my dreams
Strip lights above me
Oil grease below me
That is how I find it
Missing my Cindy calender on the wall
And I cannot stand it
And I cannot stand it
No castrol
And I cannot stand it
Low chlolesterol
And I cannot stand it
Anymore
Old burger wrappers
Hours in the crapper
Reading The Sun sports pages
Beckoning me, my calender on the wall
And my favourite picture:
Cindy Crawford as Miss December
Cindy Crawford as Miss December
Dearest calender far from me
One day with you I will be
Golden hair, do her any day
Cindy waving, bring me home, bring me home...
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Dim 27 Mai 2007, 17:48
